It wasn't until last year that I started to understand mysel..
Published: December 21st 2021, 12:53:30 pm
It wasn't until last year that I started to understand myself better and come to the realization that I'm asexual. It's been a surreal experience of coming to terms with how everything I thought people said about romance and love was lies were actually true... it's just that it's impossible for me to experience those feelings too.
But now I've experienced something new. There's a girl at work. We get along well and I've been noticing recently ever since she got back from the fall semester of college that every day I spend with her feels satisfying. It's hard to explain. I feel comfortable around her, more so than my other coworkers, and I have fun with her, but what really struck me is the fact that whenever I am around her it feels as if I don't have depression anymore. And no matter how little we work together (this week I'll only see her for maybe an hour or so each day), I always feel satisfied and refreshed after working with her.
Is this love? Is my version of butterflies and racing hearts the feeling of satisfaction and ebbing depression? I don't know. When I was in Middle/High School I did have a crush on someone, but that felt completely different. Though my crush was on a guy, which might be how I experience attraction between genders.
Either way, it feels like a lot to process. I definitely feel that if I asked her out we could be together for a while, but I won't. There are two obstacles in my life when it comes to dating her. 1) I'm planning on getting a Masters degree and will have to leave in the middle of summer. 2) She's younger than me. Which was something else I was grappling with.
I guess I'll see how it goes.